Sometimes when you get hungry, nobody's there to help you. That's when you gotta go to the supermarket, buy lots of random on-sale items, and throw 'em all over a flame.

Here we'll show ya'
ll how to do it without any meat (That means no salmonella for you, and no botchulism for her.)

For added risk, try some canned ham with an expiration date in the early 90s. Avoid cans that appear to have oxidized thoroughly, as the moisture tends to evaporate through the holes, leaving you with crunchy but otherwise useless flaky black gunk.

  Worm's Culinary Catastrophe

3 tablespoons olive oil
1 Fantomas CD
8 ounces cubed extra firm tofu
4 tablespoons soy sauce
1 small white onion
1/4 cup peanuts (optional)
2 tablespoons minced garlic
8 ounces chopped broccoli
8 ounces baby corn
2 tablespoons corn starch
dashes of basil, ginger, oregano, and tarragon

Cooking Instructions:
Warm olive oil in large frying pan over medium heat for five minutes.
Put Fantomas CD in stereo. Play track 1. Add tofu cubes, soy sauce, chopped onion, and peanuts.
After tofu has browned, add minced garlic and broccoli, stirring occasionally. If you start feeling ill, turn off your stereo immediately or switch to a Buckethead CD.
When broccoli begins to soften, add baby corn.
Add corn starch, sprinkling it evenly throughout so that it absorbs excess moisture.
Season with basil, ginger, oregano, and tarragon.
Remove from heat.
Say grace if your religion warrants it.
Serve with a cup of green tea. Eat Eat Eat, and lick the platter clean.

©2013 Sawblade Software